Some of the best of Emmitt Smith

I don't have cable, so when I watch football it's usually either at the bar or a friend's house. Either way, I don't get to hear a lot of the analysis, so it's relatively news to me how well Emmitt Smith's analyst career is coming along. Here, for your tonguetwisting pleasure, are some recent TV highlights from one of the NFL's greatest-ever players.

Bananas:



Trickelates:


Having a fun day:


He's said some other cool stuff, too.

I can be a real dick sometimes

Hi. Thanks for reading. If you are actually reading this, that is.

So. I hadn't written a column in a while after writing the last two. And for some reason, the first 40 or so hadn't received much a response from readers than the last two did combined. So. Blog-time, yah?

So. It's one thing to have an opinion. It's another to so be comfortable with it, so in charge that you can say exactly what it is and why in a level-headed reasonable manner. Recently, I really missed the boat on that last one.

I don't have any misgivings about what I said in my last column -- which was, in a few words, that people can be mean and ugly in front of little kids -- but looking back on it, some of the language was cheapjack crap. Way too much petty name-calling -- which is a really unfair thing for someone in my position to do with a newspaper column. Not my place. Not setting a good example for kids, either, if that's what I'm going to try and be all high and mighty about. For that, sorry.

Other than that I'll stand by it. People -- all people, coaches and columnists alike -- do dumb stuff.

I do like to think that most all people, even those prone to meanness, are at their cores alike. Let's all try to be cool, yeah?

UPDATE: Tuesday evening
So after spending about 20 minutes chatting with a select group of parents who think the column was aimed directly at them -- sorry, it wasn't (really), I don't do that (not yet, anyway) -- I'm going to add another thing or two.

What I wrote was something that'd been stewing in me since 2005, after watching games played by each and every one of the three youth organizations in town, as well as some over in Manteca and Ceres. Yes, I have done all that. Yes, I have seen a lot of bad stuff from all sorts of parents, on all sorts of sidelines.

I didn't name any people, teams or organizations because I felt -- and still do feel -- that people who act like buffoons in front of little kids are a small minority, and I didn't -- and don't -- want to cast any wide dispersions on an organization. I'm not in that kind of business.

That all being said, if someone was offended by what I wrote, and angry about what I wrote, maybe it is they need to watch what they say and do in front of little kids.

Like yelling at a reporter in the dark for about 20 minutes, complaining about coverage, whining about cheap shots, and even playing the race card. Where'd that come from? Are we reading the same paper?

Someone told me today it's a free country. Another person told me they, as a paying spectator, are free to do and say what they want. Sure, but if you're a parent, you have a responsibility. If your kid is watching you act up, you're throwing your responsibility out the window. Your choice, but don't act like someone's railroading you when you get called on it.

The track we call home

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For a town its size, there's not a lot Tracy lacks in the sports department.

Yeah, people are clamoring for "sports fields" and "aquatic centers," but all the pool complexes and green green developer grass of home can't compare to what we got. Manteca can have their Big League Dreams, the other side of The Hill can keep its ice rink, we got history on our side. We got windy and cold or miserably hot: we got The Altamont.

Seriously. This place is cool -- and it's unique, too. The only half-mile paved oval in between Roseville and Irwindale is the Altamont. Oh, and the Rolling Stones played an epochal free concert there in 1969. We're talking cosmic-wave type ish.



Now, the people who go here are Racing People, that is, they are different from those who aren't Racing People. Racing People, much like the NASCAR they like and the cigarettes they inhale, among with the 1000 other sundry gas and rubber fumes in the air, are acquired tastes.

Eccentric or inscrutable to an outsider, Racing People reward patience, interest and hard work when you try to get to know them -- the same creed their Racing World's moral code relies on. You could become a Racing Person very easily. You could show up tomorrow, and be offered tips, tools, support. But you need to put in the work.

Anyway, here are some pictures, of racing cars, not racing people, mostly, that did't get published in the paper. You like?



During a yellow flag caution, the cars bunch up and drive slowly, making a decent shot child's play even for idiots who don't know how to use their cameras.

An Endorsement: This Dude's Leg, by Nike

Best leg tattoo -- ok, only leg tattoo -- seen Saturday at the Tracy Raiders.

How much does calf space go for these days, I wonder?

Roger Clemens, circa 2057

Ha ha, this very funny.

The best part about youth baseball playoffs..

...is not home runs by kids who were blessed by early puberty, nor is it over zealous coaches who preach situational hitting to 10-year olds, nor yet is it the ever-present potential for a parent-on-parent brawl.

It's this dude:


This is Ron, who worked the snack bar at the Babe Ruth finals, offered me the use of a bat when some 12-year old kid half my size swore at me (it's cool, he'll be 6'2, 200 and easily able to murder me when he's 16), and told me that he's had said haircut since he was a little kid. In short: dude's been rocking a mullet HIS ENTIRE LIFE.

OH AND THIS TOO

I played lacrosse in high school but I wasn't very good. This meant I spent a lot of time on the sidelines watching rather than always playing in practice. And in games, too, for that matter, but I digress. A fun way to keep the mind and body active during inactivity in practice was for us not-very-gooders to take turns hitting each other full on in the face. Facemask, that is, with a gloved lacrosse hand. It hurt like a mother, jerked your neck back and made your head ring, but no blood/no foul = no problem, right? All fun until Coach makes you stop, which happened when Simon Lassel and Justin Flynn took it too seriously and had to be pulled off of one another. Being so creative, we called the non-violent-Simon-and-Flynn-version "helmetboxing."

I learned today that what I thought was pure chemical-free enterainment back in 1997 is a "dangerous new craze for teens" in 2007.

Behold!

From the story, by CBS-2 in New York City:

Helmet boxing is an underground sport that's just beginning to surface, especially on Internet video sites such as YouTube. To play, each individual dons a helmet with a face mask, along with a pair of gloves, and then each hits each other in the head until someone passes out, a helmet gets knocked off, or someone simply throws in the towel.

Fearless journalism, this.

While the American Academy of Pediatrics has no "official stance" on helmet boxing, (Doctor Guy They Used For the Story Doctor) Gregory said they do consider it to be on the "same playing field as regular boxing," which has been deemed unsafe for "young children with developing brains."

Blah blah, right? Well, not exactly. I found this on YouTube (and it looks a little bit too much like BC for comfort):



These dudes are too serious to be helmet boxers. These animals are more helmt pit fighters, methinks.

There was also a YouTube made by some 13 year olds, with entrance music and etc., about their fights but it's kind of sickening to watch "BRADY, 5'3, 100 LBS" do battle with "KEITH, 5'4, 95 lbs."

Forget helmet boxing. I think YouTube is the dangerous new craze.